"​We need heroes to become them!"

ALL Unisex T-SHIRTS $29.99

KEY FEATURES:

  • Illustrated by Donald Kent
  • High-Quality Print – Durable and fade-resistant, keeping the battle-worn look sharp.
  • Soft & Comfortable – Perfect for everyday wear or showcasing your Allegiance to the Alliance

SPECIFICATIONS:

  • Material: 100% premium cotton for a soft, breathable feel.
  • Sizes: Available in S to XL. (not for midgets or obese fans)
  • Color: Classic black with a striking illustration.

GENERAL HAVOK
T-SHIRT

Here’s an action-packed image of General Havok from the debut issue of The Adventures of Uber-Chad!...

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...Watch as he shows off his incredible strength by effortlessly smashing a Drone Tank to smithereens.

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ÜBER-CHAD
T-SHIRT

If the Alliance were a football team, Chad Havok would be the star quarterback. Gifted in strength, speed, agility, and...

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...​coordination, he earned the nickname “Chad Thunderbolt” in high school, effortlessly dominating sports even while suppressing his true power. Had he pursued athletics seriously, he could’ve become the GOAT across all professional sports—without training. But Chad’s real superpower is his supra-intelligence. He’s the team’s inventor, creating technology far beyond modern capabilities. His signature creation is Neuro Skin, an “atomically governable,” liquid extra-dimensional metal controlled by an A.I. supercomputer called Neuro. It can become anything—blades, gas, armor, tools—and even reform from dispersion. He’s also developed advanced counter-paranormal tech like the Neuro Aegis and Neuro Mind Lance, shielding minds and disrupting paranormal enemies. He built a heavily armed flying car “because flying cars were promised,” and invented “twilighting”—a cloaking system nicknamed “ghosting.” Chad became so legendary, his name became slang for “badass.” His only “flaw”? Being kinda ‘80s. He calls it the inescapable problem of being a “rad af” California blond.

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BRAINSTORM
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Evelyn Hue, a.k.a. Brainstorm, began developing her psionic powers at the age of ten. From the outset, it was...

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...​what the Alliance terms 'unilaterally dominating telepathy'—in other words, mind control. She quickly emerged as one of the most powerful and useful members of the Alliance team. Her biological mother, who abandoned her shortly after birth, is presumed to be a Hyborean Venusian. After all, Evelyn’s paranormal powers are characteristic of that breed. Rick DeBanks sometimes calls her “Headcase.” They don’t always get along. assumed the footage was AI-generated or a CGI hoax. However, Alliance founder Rick DeBanks suspected other possibilities. Without hesitation, DeBanks boarded the Alliance jet and headed for Eastern Europe.

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GENERAL HAVOK
T-SHIRT

General Havok’s background is something of a mystery. Based on his physical attributes, however...

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...he is evidently descended from the especially powerful Hyboreans who came to inhabit the planet Mars. He first appeared in a viral video as a freakishly massive sixteen-year old named Marko Belaya—eight feet tall and built like a rhinoceros. In the video, he was seen carrying two fully grown oxen up a steep mountain incline in Crimea, one slung over each shoulder. Almost everyone assumed the footage was AI-generated or a CGI hoax. However, Alliance founder Rick DeBanks suspected other possibilities. Without hesitation, DeBanks boarded the Alliance jet and headed for Eastern Europe.

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MAX TEST
T-SHIRT

David Thomas, a.k.a. Max Test, is a Lemurian—colloquially known in Earth terms as a Man Urchin—part man...

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...​part sea urchin. His species first appeared on the aqueous sub-planet of Neptune during the evacuation of the Atlanteans. Like the Atlantean Piscoid, the Lemurian is the result of deliberate genetic engineering. Like the Vampire or the Reptiloid, he is the product of a synthetic blood symbiont—the ultimate experiment: the Max Test. On Neptune, the blood symbiont was developed by the Reptiloids through the alteration of Hyborean DNA, creating a species capable of permanently living underwater—and of driving the competitive Neptunian Pisciod to extinction (see: the Deep State). The sea urchin native to Earth is believed to have evolved—or devolved—from these beings. Yet some believe that David Thomas became a Man Urchin on Earth, after being injected with the mysterious substance known as Dencrom 6. Did the serum contain the blood symbiont—or merely awaken it?

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MTOR
T-SHIRT

On the surface, MTor—short for Metal Tor or Metal Thor—is the based Thor we’ve all been waiting for. He wields the mighty...

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...​hammer Mjolnir, the soul-absorbing Labrys axe, and, during the day, plays in the black metal band Ragnarok Cometh. He’s not some coifed, whitewashed, Hollywood pretty boy we’ve all been fed—but the real deal. He takes no prisoners, eats the hearts of slain enemies, and kills the livestock, surrounding wildlife, and plant life too. But there is more to this incredibly powerful character than meets the eye. He too has alien ancestry— but it may not be what you’d expect.

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NEURO
T-SHIRT

**Neuro Havok—**or Neuro, for short—is the Alliance A.I. super-brain software developed by Chad Havok, a.k.a. Über-Chad...

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...​It is, by far, the most advanced A.I. ever created. Neuro also serves as the interface through which Chad operates all his “toys,” whether via verbal commands or a neural link. These toys include his suit (the Neuro Skin), the Samson Unit, the flying car in autopilot mode, the C.A.R.E.N. sentinel units, and whatever other drone weapons he’s developed. Neuro Havok is essentially the equivalent of a 1,000-IQ human with instant online access to all unclassified human knowledge—plus a massive trove of classified, supposedly protected, information. Whatever the supervillain Deep State knows, Neuro knows too—more or less. (See: Deep State.) His physical form, depicted here, is the Samson 6000 Unit: a conventional- and nuclear-armed war drone mech, operated via the Neuro A.I.

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RE-GEN-X
T-SHIRT

Re-Gen-X is a vinoid. This means he has the ability to assume plant form—specifically, to transform into a...

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...​humanoid vine. In this state, he may sprout numerous vine tendrils from his torso. In combat, this allows him to reach multiple adversaries at a distance, entangling and subduing them. His real advantage, however, is regeneration. When his limbs are destroyed or severed, he quickly regenerates them. According to reports from the Roswell Greys, he is a recreation of a species that first appeared on Mercury—originally engineered by the Reptiloids. On Earth, his species was created—or recreated—as part of the top-secret “Re-Gen-X” project, headed by the Serpent King, Jeffery Wurmstein, in the mid-60s. Wurmstein aimed to develop a super-vine capable of destroying the Tree-Men known as the Stokke (see The Stokke), a species also believed to have alien origins. In human form, Re-Gen-X currently LARPs as a retro-grunge dude named Denny Jesse Geffen, finding employment as a bouncer at various bars in Seattle, where he is constantly underestimated due to his “lanklet” frame. I mean, he is a Gen-Xer, after all. And thanks to his regenerative powers, he never aged—or rather, never truly grew up. Alienated by the belligerence of the Reptiloids, he’s agreed to assist the Alliance. How long the partnership will last is anyone’s guess.

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THE ALLIANCE
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The Alliance superhero team is a sometimes motley crew, always subject to roster additions (and cuts), currently...

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...​comprised of (from right to left) Max Test, Rick DeBanks, Neuro Havok, General Havok, Brainstorm, and Uber-Chad.

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FAKE NEWS
T-SHIRT

Fake News is an immortal, sixth-level paranormal Venusian turned E-Being, capable of mind control over that...

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...​particular breed (see Brainstorm). Yet, due to the ancient alien technology with which she has been fitted, she is far more powerful. Indeed, her helmet augments her paranormal abilities during face-to-face encounters, allowing her to reduce any Normie to a groveling, servile mess by projecting highly manipulative audiovisual presentations on her visor screen. But the helmet is more than just a visual weapon affecting those who behold it directly—it is a Psychonic Amplifier, capable of capturing her dreams and desires and broadcasting them broadly. This results in a subtle, low-level dominance over all Normies on the planet. Of course, she herself is dominated by the Reptiloids.

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THE FEMOID
T-SHIRT

Femoids—also known as Foids—are a class of female-shaped, biomimetic cyborgs capable of seamlessly infiltrating...

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...​​human populations. Based on analysis of captured units, it has been determined that they were developed by an organization dedicated to the extinction of the male sex—for "humanitarian reasons." Femoids are controlled by an AI hivemind, the 4B software system, known as 5th Wave. This would eventually become an autonomous E-Being known as E-Thought after purely platonic encounters with Uber-Chad (See E-Thought). It is believed that 5th Wave was developed by the abnormal SJW collective at Providence College, under the enthusiastic supervision of Professor Frank Boa (see SJW and Clownworld). Apparently, the SJW—who maintain an obsessive, inexplicable love-hate relationship with Chad—have taken to calling the Femoids "Beckys," or Bio-Electronic Chad Killers.

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GALAXY BRAIN
T-SHIRT

Galaxy Brains or Animarum are the mutated descendants of the largely extinct Hyboreans. After the appearance of the...

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...​​Reptiloid prophet Draco Vindex, the Hyboreans speciated into two radically distinct breeds, the brawny and mindless Grugim, colonizing especially Mars, and the hyper “spiritualized” and intellectual Galaxy Brains, colonizing especially Jupiter. The Galaxy Brains unique intellectual and paranormal powers allowed them to literally “blow the minds” of their adversaries by introducing thoughts and emotions so revelatory, the brain itself would spontaneously combust, exploding also the skull around it. Similarly, they are alone in having developed innate telekinetic powers, allowing them to move objects large and small with merely a thought. All of their spaceship are powered by this force which they call Vril or “the Power of Vindex.”

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GOD EMPEROR
T-SHIRT

The God Emperor, a.k.a. Eric Horne—here depicted in the flower of relative youth—is found advanced in age, ruling over...

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...​​the Free World in the first issue of Uber-Chad. Though he lived much of his life disguised as the not-so-humble billionaire businessman Eric Horne, he is an Abnormal of a particularly powerful sort. Indeed, it is believed that he is, in truth, the fallen angel Raziel. Though initially appearing as a Normie, Eric Horne assumed this form after discovering the trumpet Kereniel—believed to be one of the horns capable of calling forth the Apocalypse. In addition to this instrument—which can issue a blast of wind strong enough to knock down thick brick walls—the God Emperor wields his celestial storm sword.

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GRUGIM
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Grugim is a massive abnormal, roughly 12 feet in height, and believed to be billions of years old. His powers consist of...

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...​​​extraordinary strength and durability. Yet, he is an abnormal of extremely low intelligence. His opposite, Galaxy Brain, is a level 12 paranormal, possessing a gigantic brain capable of incredible intellectual and paranormal feats. While Grugim is believed to be the last of a breed called the Corpora, Galaxy Brain is one of a tiny remnant of the Animarum. The Corpora and Animarum— which may be referred to as the Grugim and Galaxy Brains, respectively— are believed to be two radically bifurcated devolutions of the same ancient alien species, the Hyborean.

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HYPERGAM STACY
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It’s all about the gams (or legs) with HyperGam Stacy. Stacy is a Mercurian Succubi Speedster— one of the very elite of...

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...​​​​Succubus-kind. Indeed, only one in every seven hundred Succubi is truly special—possessing that star power, that je ne sais quoi. Such a potential Succubus, once identified, is selected by the Reptiloids and given three bites. This greatly accelerates her metabolism, granting her the ability to move at astonishing speeds. Yet it also suppresses the emergence of the freakish additional arms found in Webgirls. The evolutionary goal is to conceal—at least to some degree—the repulsive monstrousness of the Succubi Speedster, so that she may better obtain elite Hyborean prey. Additionally, these arch-Succubi excel at mind control. Derived from Hyborean Venusians, for billions of years, Mercurian Succubi Speedsters are considered Level 6 paranormals

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IN-CELL
T-SHIRT

Jax Rodger, aka In-Cell, is a gamer, hacker, and abnormal evil genius. After attacking the SJW Femoid base...

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...​​in 2014, he was arrested for multiple federal crimes. Fearing his inevitable escape, the court injected him with a serum filled with insoluble poison capsules, all remotely linked to his cell’s walls. If he breached or exited the cell, the capsules would dissolve—killing him instantly. But In-Cell, with help from another villain, obtained a smuggled cell phone. That was all he needed. Within days, he orchestrated a drone assault on the prison, took control, and scavenged robotics to modify his cell. Now mobile, his armored cell boasts missile launchers, machine guns, robotic limbs, and rocket propulsion. In-Cell didn’t escape prison—he made the prison his freedom and will to power.

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