...​​​Yet the project—led by the Joint Committee on Ventilation—masked a more sinister purpose: the creation of a vast, secret underground network tied to a foul smelling manure lagoon. Though groundskeepers claimed the odor came from the eternal resodding of the West Lawn, seasoned Midwestern lawmakers—recognizing the unmistakable stench of pig manure—suspected otherwise. Those who questioned it would vanish for months, returning subdued, seemingly changed, and curiously unwilling to acknowledge the smell. Indeed, the so-called “DC Swamp” is anything but natural. It is a hidden pig-manure lagoon near the Chesapeake Bay, connected to the Capitol by secret tunnels. It plays a central role in an occult initiation ritual for elites. Promising politicians and celebrities are invited to Bohemian Grove, in Monte Rio, California, where they encounter bizarre priests and ultimately Capitol Pig—a monstrous, tusked beast. Devoured, digested, and excreted by this creature, they are reborn as Swamp Golems: undead, flesh-hungry elites disguised as humans, exuding a corrupt, hypnotic charm (see: Swamp Golems). These Golems serve Capitol Pig, who in turn serves Satan—also known as the Serpent King, or Jeffery Wurmstein.

...​​​​a werecat—a cunning therianthrope known for super agility (both in movement and speech), as well as exceptional climbing ability, wall adhesion, and supernatural tenacity. Though widely regarded as a villain himself, he is a Vampire Hunter and Werewolf Slayer, armed with a repeating crossbow loaded with oaken stakes and a silver blade called “Wolfsbane.” Greatly feared among villain-kind—particularly the Reptiloids and Pseudo-Chads, who tremble at the mere mention of his name—he inspires terror wherever he lurks. Because he may assume the form of a cat, he is believed to be the reincarnation of the Original Feline Kek, whose role the Frog God Kek assumed in his absence. Hence, it was seen fit that the Frog God Kek himself would bow to him, placing into Trad Cat’s service his vast Neptunian Frogman army. While Felino’s breed doubtlessly has an alien origin as well, the uniqueness of werecat therianthropy has made both its origin and nature difficult to assess. Being of the Godgang, he vies against Ortho-Bro and Flamer for control of the artifact known as the Golden Rood, whereby one may command the mighty angel Deus Volt.

...​​​​​Hyborean, fully conscious of her extraterrestrial heritage. Her real name, including praenomen, nomen, cognomen, and agnomen, is Diana Hyperboreana Juventus Puditica. Today, she is also known simply as the Trad Wife, and she embodies the original sense of that term's etymology. For instance, in the early 4th century AD, she was called a Traditor for her unwavering fealty to the gods of Rome, from whom she is descended. Her powers are divine and celestial: she can fly, travel at the speed of light, and only the omnipotent being known as the Hyborean, whom she serves, can match her in combat. Upon her head, she wears a laurel crown of golden oak leaves, which may be worn only by her—and, in time, by her future husband, who must be unsurpassed in both virtue and greatness. It is said that the laurel, when worn, bestows her innate powers and immortality upon her husband. Typically, she does not meddle in the affairs of Normies, though she maintains a relationship with Uber Chad, much like Athena did with the ancient heroes of Greece. That is to say, she appears to grant aid at his moment of greatest need. Whether she has finally fallen in love is a subject of great speculation.