...​​yet controversial English anthropologist specializing in “Indo-European migrations.” He is also the founder and president of the “Learned Association of Real Pagans.” In truth, L.A.R.P. is a secret shamanic cult with direct access to entities believed—by its most devoted members—to be ancient Indo-European gods. Though otherwise a Normie, the Pagan’s mastery of arcane knowledge allows him to summon and commune with mystical beings. Rumors persist that the otherwise timid, mild-mannered academics of L.A.R.P. also have access to a magical fermented horse milk called Kumis. When consumed, it transforms them into powerful centaurs known as the Yamnayan. Unfortunately, these Yamnayan are always intoxicated when the transformation occurs. So while capable of powerful, berserker-style attacks, they almost always prefer brawling with each other over fighting any actual enemy.

...​​​part sea urchin. His species first appeared on the aqueous sub-planet of Neptune during the evacuation of the Atlanteans. Like the Atlantean Piscoid, the Lemurian is the result of deliberate genetic engineering. Like the Vampire or the Reptiloid, he is the product of a synthetic blood symbiont—the ultimate experiment: the Max Test. On Neptune, the blood symbiont was developed by the Reptiloids through the alteration of Hyborean DNA, creating a species capable of permanently living underwater—and of driving the competitive Neptunian Pisciod to extinction (see: the Deep State). The sea urchin native to Earth is believed to have evolved—or devolved—from these beings. Yet some believe that David Thomas became a Man Urchin on Earth, after being injected with the mysterious substance known as Dencrom 6. Did the serum contain the blood symbiont—or merely awaken it?

...​​​​hammer Mjolnir, the soul-absorbing Labrys axe, and, during the day, plays in the black metal band Ragnarok Cometh. He’s not some coifed, whitewashed, Hollywood pretty boy we’ve all been fed—but the real deal. He takes no prisoners, eats the hearts of slain enemies, and kills the livestock, surrounding wildlife, and plant life too. But there is more to this incredibly powerful character than meets the eye. He too has alien ancestry— but it may not be what you’d expect.

...​​known as the Serpent King. And to be sure, he’s a snake in every sense of the word. In human form, he embodies the “stretch-man superhero archetype.” He can stretch and bend his limbs in an elastic, serpentine manner, allowing him to grasp adversaries at a distance. He may constrict them—often to death. Wurmstein plays a particular role in the Reptiloid ecosystem: the fastidious control of Swamp Golems. As is well known, Golems may turn on their masters. But this is far less likely when footage exists of them cannibalizing humans—and Wurmstein is the one responsible for acquiring this blackmail.

...​​​whom you ask—dominated and controlled by the Mercurian paranormal Ortho-Bro. As a man, the Ursine walks among political elites in disguise, serving a salient political role. In battle, he dons the pelt of a bear and, when enraged, enters a berserker state (hamask)—his limbs grotesquely distending, his flesh melding with claw and fur until, through stages, he becomes a towering 12-foot bear-god. He is believed to have inspired the Viking berserkers and may have lived among them before the founding of the Rus. In truth, he is an ancient Hyborean alien—an Arcturian, more specifically—descended from the Arcturus star system colony. There, the Hyboreans, engaging in illegal genetic engineering to strengthen their breed against the Reptiloid threat, produced the Werebear blood symbiont. Ortho-Bro keeps the Russian Bear ignorant of his alien origin. Indeed, only he can subdue and control him, holding him spellbound by his spinning paterissa. After all, should the Ursine ever awaken fully, it may mark the end of Mercurian—and Reptiloid—rule.

...​​​​any sport he enters while concealing 95% of his “power level.” Only Über-Chad, who is good at everything, surpasses him. A self-styled multi-sport athlete, Sportzball fights in Kevlar sports gear—helmet, pads, and an adamantine bat—occasionally hurling baseballs to subdue adversaries from a distance (carefully avoiding Normie casualties who may one day become fans). His most remarkable power isn’t physical but paranormal: simply witnessing his athletic feats causes Normies to fall into stunned awe, temporary paralysis, or mass lethargy. Conversely, he can incite crowds into violent, fanatical action against any enemy who dares oppose him. These crowds, or “fans,” respond to his simple rallying cry: “They want to take away your Sportzball. Will you allow it?” It is believed Idol does not possess this power innately, but rather receives it through his helmet—a “paranormal transmitter” that channels mind control commands from the paranormal Fake News, which are then broadcast to Sportzball’s fans.